Wasted Energy

I can be apprehensive when getting close to new people. Depending on my mindset at any given time, I might hold back in those moments when new friendship is on the edge of flourishing.

The Buddhist in me avoids attachment because it will ultimately lead to suffering.

The Stoic in me says to go forward but with caution, to enjoy the time together, but never forget that it will ultimately end.

Then again, Carpe Diem reminds me to go all in — for the exact same reason.

Regardless of the philosophy, what holds me back is the same. As much as I want new relationships with people, I am often hesitant because of past loss. And when I eventually connect, the better a friendship gets, the more my mind becomes a hurricane of fear over the inevitable.

But worrying about it only wastes energy that could otherwise be spent on something special. And this is something I need to work on.

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