When someone hurts us, we’re upset. Depending on the severity of the offence, we feel an array of emotions like anger, resentment, bitterness and contempt.

Sometimes the feeling is towards the act more than the person, feelings of revulsion, hatred and disgust. And although these feelings give us some sense of strength or control, they do nothing to help. Instead, they hurt us.

There’s a famous quote — though likely inaccurately — attributed to the Buddha that describes exactly this.

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.“

The negative emotions we hold towards a person drag us down. They cloud our vision and distort our ability to reason.

When we’re attacked, it’s natural to feel these things. But we tend to hold onto them for far too long.

And in doing so, we lose our ability to heal.